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The sawdust the sweat the dirt the mud the calloused hands as well as the tired look in the gray eyes that is what I remember about my Father.

Father's day is tomorrow and for some reason he is on my mind more so recently than ever before.

Father was never one to express his feelings, never one to give a hug and never one to say "love you" yet I always knew he did love me as well as Tommy. He did have a temper though and as he grew older that did appear more so. I think in my mind that is it had to do with the realization that he could not do everything he once did and that his time here was slowly and silently coming to an end.

I miss my Father very much even after all these years.

He passed away on February 23, 1989, his birthday. That day he was 76 years old and I remember it as if it was just today.

I remember the party we had planned the cake and the flowers and that we would go over to the nursing home to spend the evening with him.

I remember the phone call I received at work my Aunt telling me I had to get over there because my Father had taken a turn for the worse.

I remember arriving at the nursing home, leaving the cake and flowers in the back of my car.

I remember my Mother telling me that with all the problems my father had during the last 10 years of his life, the family doctor gave my Mother a choice.....send him back to the hospital AGAIN...or leave him go.

I remember giving my father a kiss and telling him that it was okay if he wanted to go on and be with his son, my half brother Dickey who had passed away years ago we would be okay.

I remember watching him and listening to his breathing as it slowed down....and stopped.

I remember giving my Mother and younger brother Tommy each a hug and telling my Mother that what she decided to do was okay.

I remember going back to my home that evening and taking the cake and flowers out of my car and throwing them away.

I remember crawling into bed that night and crying myself to sleep and waking up the next morning and realizing that I had to go to be with my Mother while she made the arrangements for my Fathers funeral.

I remember most of all....the obituary that we had to write acknowledging all my Aunts and Uncles...those who had passed before him and those who were still alive.

I remember....I remember that I miss him still and that loss will never go away.

I remember this every Christmas, Birthday and Father's Day...and will until the day comes that I will join my Father....
 

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